Pray You Don’t Get Lost in Bermuda Island (2023)

Title: Bermuda Island

First Non-Festival Release: January 20, 2023 (Digital/Streaming Platforms)

Director: Adam Werth

Writer: Michael Mahal, Sonny Mahal, Adrian Milnes

Runtime: 85 Minutes

Starring: John Wells, Sarah French, Victor V Gelsomino

Where to Watch: Check out where to find it here

The Bermuda Triangle has mystified and captured the attention of the public for years despite scientists assuring the masses that nothing is out of the ordinary. There are plenty of logical explanations for why there might be a specific uptick in disasters in this quarter.

In Bermuda Island, however, there isn’t a logical explanation. There’s a supernatural one. Without so much as a warning, a plane carrying hundreds of passengers goes down over the infamous stretch of waters dooming those aboard to a watery grave. Miraculously, some do survive, only to end up on a mysterious island where their danger is only just beginning.

Interminable, empty, and amateur, Bermuda Island is an amalgamation of better films and tv shows crammed into 85 minutes of awful.

From the get-go there is no direction for the story whatsoever. Choosing to begin with a violent shootout of a felon to only kill him off unceremoniously before the film even reaches its main destination is narrative whiplash at best. Bermuda Island chooses to make similar dumbfounding choices throughout its brief runtime. Piecing together parts of “Lost,” Snakes on a Plane, and pretty much any creature feature known to man, Bermuda Island fails to make itself stand out in any meaningful way. The twists feel tacked on and are just as forgettable to the cast as the audience and there is no meaningful development to any of the characters.

Cliched dialogue and generic characters make Bermuda Island an especially tedious affair. Nearly every character in Bermuda Island constantly states the obvious. Whenever they aren’t, they are making an equally vapid statement about themselves or others that isn’t interesting, relevant, or helpful. If a film embodied the opposite of “show, don’t tell,” it would be Bermuda Island. Every villain monologue, helpful gesture, and information dump feels inauthentic and cringeworthy. The hokey delivery of the actors doesn’t help but they aren’t given much material to work with either.

It would be punching down to name and shame the worst offenders, but Bermuda Island thrives off the labor of its cast that looks like they want to be anywhere else but there. Throughout the film, there is a general lack of urgency by each of the castmates. This is partially the fault of the script but the performers themselves must share the blame. Reactions to death and isolation are noticeably muted while the few actors that go for larger emotions overshoot to a point where it almost feels like parody. John Wells and Sarah French are the only two consistently bringing decent material to the table but fall victim to the rest of the cast’s performances once or twice.

While not a truly high point, Bermuda Island does boast some production values for its meager budget that are worth celebrating. While unconvincing, the point to make the creatures using practical effects, namely men in rubber suits, is appreciated considering the alternative is usually a terrible choice for indie films. The monsters look like they are interacting in this world and not a product of a green screen. For its production level, Bermuda Island does boast a few nice shots and the tropical setting does look convincing for the most part outside of some terrible water and air shots taken at night during the initial plane crash.

Bottom of the barrel Tubi movies can be a fun experience when done right or a laughable one when they miss hard. Bermuda Island doesn’t even capture the “so-bad-its-good” charm. It’s just bad. Truly without any redeemable qualities, it only skirts by on the fact that it has decent enough production values to offset everything else wrong with its story and delivery. You can choose whatever horror destination you feel best to visit, but Bermuda Island might be a tough sell if you aren’t in a precise mood.

Overall Score? 2/10